The Pragmatic Hybrid

Leaving the tribe is purely optional.

You don’t HAVE to leave the tribe behind to live your life.

I’m wondering if this is the message I conveyed in that one post about the tribe and the closet: that you have to kick the tribe out of your life and your head, and good riddance.

This is not what I mean at all.

What I meant to say is that kicking the tribe out of the executive center of your heart and brain and body is your right.

If the tribe includes people you care about, even if they sometimes make you want to poke them with sharp sticks, actually leaving them behind is purely optional. And maybe not even the easiest way to go about it.

(For example: you never really shake your parents, whether they’re actually in your space or not. So why do yourself violence and cut them out artificially if it’s simpler, or if it makes you happier, to keep them around?)

You get to organize your life they way you want, so that it meets the needs that are ACTUALLY IMPORTANT to you, instead of trying to meet some atavistic needs that don’t even exist in reality except in someone else’s expectations and fears.

This is what I meant.

You can kick the tribe out of your life, or not. Maybe it’s the way to go if they’re actively harming you – easier said than done in any case.

But you can totally, completely, absosmurfly kick them out of the captain’s chair on your bridge, regardless of the role you want them to have in the rest of your life.

You get to be at the helm. Or on the throne. Or whatever your metaphor is for right self-governance.

Related to this and other interesting hybrid situations large and small, I’m doing a free Hybridology Q & A teleclass, and you’re invited.

It’s today!

That’s Friday, July 9th, at 3 pm Eastern. To get details and join in, you can sign up on my Happenings list here.

Comment Fu

This space is like a Quaker meeting that is happening in my living room. Honored guests, please speak as you are moved to. Let’s be awesome to each other, because graciousness among friends is why we hang out together.

  1. Leocadia

    Don’t worry, Amna, I think your post was very clear.

    Oh yes, your tribe can have more arms than an octupus has and hold you back from so many things. Very hard to loosen the grip and to let go of the pressure to conform with what the tribe expects from you or thinks is good for you.
    We can work on kicking out what Jungian psychology would call the the “introject”, i.e. “the voice of conscience that is usually a parent’s voice internalized” ( a definition I found on the web). And kicking a voice out of your head certainly doesn’t mean kicking an actual person out of your life. Hope I got you right – you can phrase it so much more beautifully!

  2. Amna Ahmad
    Twitter:

    @Leocadia – The introject! I needed this word and didn’t even know it – thank you!

    And I’m glad it was clear for you, what I was trying to say. :)